The complicated movements of life

Well, I haven't actually published a post in forever, so I thought I had better do that now. The funny thing is, I've actually been actively writing things. I literally have 12 drafts of different subjects almost ready to go, and yet I know I never will actually post them. Part of that is because some of the things are just for me, others I finally deemed too cynical for the public eye (I have a pretty funny post about math here that I think wins the cynical award of the century), and others I can't remember enough of the details to make worthwhile. But this particular post I think is important enough that I'll try to put it together. Its not much of a fun one, but rather one of the posts I had originally intended for myself. Its still not organized to the extent that I'm happy with it (and a large portion of that is because I'm trying to put together too many thoughts into one post), but I'm starting to realize that it never will be. So go back in time with me to when this post started about 2 months ago:

Have you ever just sat down and thought about the series of events that led you to where you are now? Or maybe just thought about the people that helped get you there? Now that was a rhetorical question and I know that all of you have, at some point or another, but in the last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about life in general. How sometimes you find yourself wrapped in a dream, sitting on cloud nine, and everything is yours for the taking. Other times its so completely unfair that you catch yourself looking to the heavens and quaking with anger at the injustice of it all. Life is really a funny thing.

This chain of thought is usually one that I only explore while I'm

driving late at night, on a semi-empty road, with the radio off. That seems to be my "deep pondering" time, and usually I don't really share anything I think about during those hours, but a series of events in t he last little while have led me to think a lot more about the deeper meanings of existence in general and have caused me to marvel at the complicated movement of life. I'm speaking primarily of the death of my dear grandmother contrasted with the birth of my second nephew. Then toss into the mix my parents return, the youngest kid leaving the house, my older sister starting an occupation, and me caught somewhere in the middle trying to figure out which way is up and where I want to be in life, and you've got enough major life changes to cause even the most oblivious people to ponder.

What is life? Why are we here? Is there a grand and overarching plan or are we simply the result of happenstance? These questions were ones I dealt with every day as a missionary and ones that I believe everyone in existence has at one point or another thought about. Will we see the ones we love again after they have passed on? Is there really a reason for why I'm here or am I just another dot in time, soon to be forgotten and everything I've ever done being worthless? These questions truly can tear the soul apart, and the sadder experiences of a mission are watching them do just that to others. But the funny thing is, that even though I told so many people about how life works and why, in times of change or heightened emotional stress, I start to ask myself the same questions. Lucky for me, I planned ahead and wrote tons of things down in journals and notebooks for those times where the light seems to draw itself back just a little.

I want to start out by saying that, yes, there is a plan. Yes, there is a reason. No, you're not alone, and yes you do matter. Even though this is my favorite gospel topic, I won't dwell too much on this here. But I will say that before this life we lived with our Heavenly Father. We learned from him and, I'm willing to wager, also from one another. We agreed to come down to this earth to be tested in return for the blessing of a physical body. Here on this earth we are granted a specific amount of time to learn and grow, to progress physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Eventually, the time comes where our earthly existence comes to and end and we die; however, because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, death will not be permanent nor does it need to be frightening. After all, this life is merely a small stepping stone into eternity.

It is natural to fear death or to worry about what comes later. There is little in this world that is more frightening than not knowing what is around the next corner. But because God loves us, we know that life continues and will only get better. I look at life kind of like I view my high school experience. I loved high school! I loved the friends I had, the activities I was involved in, the parties, the school work, all of it. When it came to an end, I was heart broken. It was all I had ever known and all the sudden it was done. I didn't know what to do, and was worried that I would never really be as happy as I had been up to that point. If I only had known what would come later! Each chapter in our life brings new challenges and new experiences, however I've noticed that they seem to continually be getting better!

I look back at the past few years of my life, and the lives of my family, and see the drastic change that has come about in such a short period of time. In the last three years my oldest sister has had her second and third child, my little sister graduated from high school, my older sister graduated from college and is now starting a career, my parents have been living abroad for 3 years directing the missionary work in Thailand, and I've served 2 missions which contrast each other so sharply that it's difficult to find many of similarities. All of these events have changed who we are and how we think. They shaped us into who we are today and will play a major role in how we turn out tomorrow.

I'm so grateful for the chances we have been able to take in the last little while and for the lessons we've learned from them. I'm grateful for the people in my life who have led me to where I am today. I'm grateful for the guidance of a loving Heavenly Father who whispers that everything will work out, even if I don't currently understand how. I'm so glad that I have been taught and understand the Plan of God, that I know what the purpose of life is and that families can be eternal. I'm glad that life doesn't have to be a scary and unwelcome place; someone is controlling things. Although its not easy, its nice to know its not supposed to be. It never was.

Its because of the difficult times that we enjoy the best.